Serge Tisseron

A family secret is not just something that is not said. It is what is forbidden to talk about in a family because the event is surrounded by pain. This distinction helps to clarify the difference between structuring secrets and destructuring secrets.

The latter are linked to the traumatic experiences of a generation that have not been fully symbolised. The result is what I have called a Psychic Secret, to distinguish it from common and often harmless relational secrets. The personality is split. But what is not said in words is always partially symbolised by facial expressions and attitudes. These are the oozings of the Secret. Children may react to this with a lack of confidence in themselves and in the world, psychological insecurity, guilt or shame, linked to what they perceive and imagine. These are the ripples of the Secret, which can sometimes affect several successive generations, each of which is disturbed in its own way.

It is on communication that efforts should be focused, within the family or in therapy, rather than on the search for the truth, which often remains inaccessible.